The Nameless Little Thing

Heartbeats

A week ago I had an early ultrasound, just to check on things. All was well, the (still unnamed) little thing measured 7w 1d and the heart was beating. I spotted it well before the technician said anything, I have become an expert at spotting heartbeats. Or the lack of the same. 

So that was a huge relief that lasted for a couple of minutes at least. That beating heart was all well and good, but it could have stopped since then. Maybe the day after. Or yesterday. Or it may stop tomorrow. The uncertainty sucks.

But on the whole I feel pretty optimistic. Most of the time.

Forbidden foods and calculated risks

Even with my past experiences, it seems I get more blasé about the rules for each pregnancy. The other day I found my favourite brie cheese at 80% off at Coles (short date). Yippee! I bought two pieces.

I had eaten one entire 150g triangle in front of the telly before I remembered I’m not supposed to have unpasteurised cheese...

But if one was to think of it the opposite way, one sees how very small the risk is with these ”forbidden” foods. Imagine that a pregnancy was unwanted and a person WANTED it to end. I bet they could eat their weight in unpasteurised cheese every day for the entire pregnancy, and the baby would still be born full term and healthy. 

Anyway, point made, I will still keep the rules in mind and perhaps offer the second cheese to someone else.

The one and only Dr. Ye

I want an early ultrasound just to make sure this little thing has a heartbeat. Hence, today I went to see my excellent Dr. Ye. She is hilarious. She is blunt, to the point, and completely without bedside manners - I love her. Once I had an appointment with Clara as a baby, and I handed her to Dr. Ye to hold. Dr. Ye held her at arms length, as if she was a live bomb, and quietly proclaimed: ”I don’t like babies”.

Today when she asked what she could could do for me, and I told her I was pregnant, she litterally buried her face in her hands and said ”Oh, I thought it would be something more exciting...”

When we said goodbye, she muttered ”More babies...” and shook her head as she closed the door behind me.

There is only one Dr. Ye.

Anyway, she gave me what I asked for which was referral to dating scan, blood tests, and a letter to get me out of my gym membership. The latter is not strictly a necessity due to the pregnancy, but I want out of my 12 month contract and this will do the trick!

Surely there’s something I need...

The slightly boring thing about having a third baby is that a) you know you don’t need any fancy stuff, and b) you already have all the necessities and extras packed away in a box somewhere.

Unfortunately, few things are as tempting as shopping for baby stuff. Surely there must be something I need...

Message to the Universe

I have felt super, duper confident about this pregnancy for three whole days since I found out. But now the doubt and fear has started to sneak in.

I really, really (REALLY) don’t want this to end badly. I don’t want the heartache, the frustration and the wasted time. I don’t have the energy for it.

As hormones has made my cry for a myriad of reasons in the last couple of days, I feel weary to the bone just thinking about it.

Please Universe, don’t do it to me this time. This is my last time, please just let me enjoy it. Thanks.